Cyprus: 20:30 on Friday, 10 September 2010

Location Notes:


First, Eid Mubarak to all of my Muslim friends! I wish you all a happy and fruitful few days of relaxation with family after Ramadan.

Next, to my small but committed fan base of frequent readers, I apologize for not posting for a few days. My days and evenings were busy in Tokyo and then I flew overnight on Wednesday (September 8) from Tokyo to Paris before connecting to London. The combination of a lot of work with insufficient sleep and long flights meant that I was forced to take a few days off from my personal interests. I’m back now and I promise to post interesting things (hopefully) for a few days.


Today, I am flying from London to Cyprus and I really do not have that much to do for the next four hours so I thought I would regale you all with some thoughts regarding my too latest stops: Paris and London. I lived right outside of London for several years, so perhaps London is the closest that I have to a home base. I know the city well and like it even more. Meanwhile, I am pretty frequent visitor to Paris and it is a city that I admire.

What I fail to understand, however, is why the British (at least in London) and the French (in Paris) are so opposite in the way that they see the world. The basic differences between the two cities are related to their respective forms of government, in my opinion. The British still have a “Constitutional Monarchy” and never really had a revolution even if they had a Civil War. The French, meanwhile have a Republic and they revel in the history of their “Reign of Terror” when almost their entire nobility was eliminated by the guillotine. These differences in government affect the structure of the two cities. London is still, in many ways, organized as it was during the Middle Ages. The streets are essentially the same as are the building plots. This Medieval infrastructure even survived the Great Fire in 1666. Meanwhile, Paris is arguably the archetype modern city with wide streets and plazas and a grid-based street system implemented mainly by Napoleon. The characteristics of the city seem to have affected the psyches of the peoples of the two cities.

London establishment natives tend to be conservative, royalist and quiet. Meanwhile, Paris’ leading citizens tend to be liberal, fiercely republican and loud. It is as if the two cities intentionally decided to be opposites. Dickens wrote about this dichotomy in “A Tale of Two Cities” but the differences are just as pronounced today even though globalization has removed much of the local character of both places (MacDonald’s is MacDonald’s [except for the occasional McSquid] everywhere).

The differences are clear to see in every part of life in the two cities. The traditional food of England is “cheap and wholesome”. It is fish and chips, the Sunday roast, and the kebab. Meanwhile, France has expensive food, lots of spices and sauces and two of my favourites: foie gras and truffles. By the way, I’m sure that PETA followers will be alarmed, but – if I were a goose – I’d want to end up as foie gras. As foie gras, I would be fed constantly until I exploded. We call this “Thanksgiving” in our house. Having Thanksgiving each day without having to cook or clean would be pretty cool, if you asked me. I don’t really “get” truffles (a fungus that pigs with collars snort out in forests) nor really caviar (hey let’s eat these black salty eggs that come out of that incredibly ugly sturgeon fish), but French cooking is like 1000 times better than English cooking, so let’s give the French one point.

The drink between the two cities is also quite different. Men drink beer or ale in London and then finish up the night with a whiskey. Meanwhile, Frenchmen start with champagne or pernod as an aperitif (a French word, by the way), have wine with dinner and then finish up with a Cognac or Armagnac. I’m with the French on this front as well. I like an ice cold beer when it is hot outside, but the British drink their beer room temperature (which is pretty cold in the winter, I guess). I need to award the French another point on this account.

Relaxation is a similarly very different between the two cities. The British may take a walk in the park during the day, but the night time is for eating and drinking in the pub. Meanwhile, the French tend to want to “take excursions” during the day then have dinner followed by dancing. I reckon, at my age, that the British have the right way in this regard ... So, even though some might disagree, my score in this regard is Paris 2, London 1.

Clothes and fashion are also different in the two cities. The archetypical designer in England is Burberry, which tries to be trendy, but in the end is still a label based on mediocrity. There is a definition of indecisiveness; it is “He is so indecisive that his favourite colour is plaid”. Burberry is an entire brand based on plaid. Meanwhile, the archetypical designer in Paris is Channel – a brand based upon elegance, style and elitism. By the way, when I grew up in Wichita we had a canal surrounding the city that was designed to deflect flood water. During the summer, the still water in the canal would stagnate and smell. I always used to comment about the foul smell, “Breathe in the essence of canal number 5”. Paris has my vote in this regard as well. I would rather have my loved one dressed in Chanel compared to Burberry.

Homes are different in the two cities. In Paris a home is a “flat” or apartment while London has the town home or Maisonette. The British have this one right. Even though space is at a minimum, pretty much every home in London has a bit of grass or a view of grass. Bathrooms are primitive in both cities since neither has mastered the efficiency of hygiene that the Japanese have mastered. Anyway, my score is Paris 3, London 2.

Finally, however, the concept of work is the most different between the two cities. In France, work is something that one does between days off in order to finance free time. When an extra day is needed, the French just call a strike. Meanwhile, in London, work is what is done because one must finance his pub visits until he wins the lottery. Strikes only occur in public utilities in London, while they occur twice per month in all industries in Paris and three times during months where there is no national holiday. Despite the fact that strikes are bigger news in London than in Paris, I have to give London the point for this difference.

So, in my opinion, there is a tie score between London and Paris. One item where the two cities are completely aligned, however, is with regards to service. Service is crappy in both cities. The British have crap service because service is provided by denizens of Eastern Europe or Australia where service is unknown. French service is bad because the French do not want to be subservient so they provide terrible service. The results are the same; service is slow, terrible and comes with a bad attitude unless the places frequented are high-end.

Long Bar at the Sanderson Hotel

Where to Stay in London: I most often stay at the Sofitel Hotel at Terminal 5 at Heathrow. It is probably one of the very best airport hotels in the world with good food and two good bars. It is at the airport, however, which is convenient for the office and, of course, for travel but is not a place to stay when visiting the City. I really enjoy staying at the Sanderson Hotel in the City – it is a super-cool boutique hotel with award winning design. Of course, London also has old-school favourites like the Dorchester, the Mandarin Oriental and the Four Seasons. London is almost as expensive as Tokyo so I would definitely recommend the Sanderson over higher priced and better known alternatives.

Asia de Cuba

Where to Eat in London: London is full of absolutely fabulous restaurants. Asia de Cuba is a favourite at the trendy St. Martins Lane Hotel. AdC has a fabulous Asian fusion menu with Latin flavours; it may sound a bit funky but it works! Foliage at the Mandarin Oriental has two Michelin stars and has a phenomenal tasting menu and one of the best wine cellars in the City. Plus Foliage overlooks Hyde Park and is therefore great for lunch as well as dinner. Zuma is still trendy in Knightsbridge. It serves mostly Japanese but also has some eclectic dishes. China Tang in the basement of the Dorchester is trendy and simply has the very best Chinese in London – a city that has many excellent Chinese restaurants. Maroush is excellent Lebanese on Edgeware road – Maroush owns Edgeware; quite literally because almost every shop on both sides of the street down to Marble Arch bear the Maroush name. Finally, I like Loch Fyne, which has several outlets around town, for excellent quality seafood.

Mandarin Bar, London

Where to Party in London: Friends told me that the Buddha Bar has closed down in London. This is a shame because BB-LON was cool for late night dancing. The Mandarin Bar at the Mandarin Oriental (affectionately known as the “Mandarin-O”) is one of my very favourites. A group of my friends and I have spent many hours drinking martinis there since it is absolutely the best martini bar in London. One memorable night we became pretty “happy” drinking 42-Below martinis there with Boris Becker. Boris reminded us that he has fond memories of the Mandarin-O because it is in a closet there that one of his children was conceived. Met Bar is a standard place to “see and be seen”. Finally, I like the Bar at the top floor of Harvey Nichols for a late afternoon stop to have a few preliminary “warm up exercises” before a night on the town.

Champagne Bar at Westfields

Where to Shop in London: Harvey Nichols is one of my favourite places to shop in London. “Harvey Nicks” is where the locals shop while the tourists spend their hard-earned funds at the more expensive Harrod’s down the road. Westfields, the new-ish “American style” shopping centre close to White City (home of the BBC) is convenient because it has all of the best brands in a single location. Rosa likes the champagne bar between Gucci and Louis Vuitton at Westfields.

Where to Stay in Paris: As far as I am concerned, there is only one true place to stay in Paris: The Four Seasons George V. The “George Sanc” is probably the best hotel in the entire world. The Marriott on the Champs-Elysees is also pretty cool.

Buddha Bar, Paris

Where to Eat in Paris: I have many favourite places in Paris; a city known for the quality of its food. My favourite is The Asian on George V road because it has excellent Vietnamese food with a great decor and fabulous chill-out music. The restaurant at the Musee de l’Homme has good food and a great view of the Eiffel Tower. The best seafood in Paris, in my opinion, is Maison du Danemark right on the Champs. Of course, the original Buddha Bar is in Paris and it is still probably the best. I once made a booking for six people at the BB-PAR for 02:30 and we still had to wait for a table!

Le Bound, Paris

Where to Party in Paris: Maybe my favourite bar in the entire world is Le Bound, right next to Louis Vuitton off the Champs. Friends and I frequently visit Pershing Hall for partying as well. Even Cafe Renault is good for a glass of champagne in the afternoon. Barrio Latino is cool for dancing.

Dyptique Store, Paris

Where to Shop in Paris: Of course, since I am married to Rosa there is the required stop at the Louis Vuitton flagship store right on the Champs (anyway, after shopping I have good reason to pop around the corner to Le Bound for a few Caprioskas). I also really like shopping at Dyptique on Rue St. Germain – the candles and room sprays from Dyptique are some of the coolest gifts we give to our friends. Dyptique is rare and only available in a few places. The primary store is in Paris but I can occasionally find supplies in Dubai and there is a nice little Dyptique store in Bahrain at the Seif Mall. The only other stores are in New York and San Francisco.





Travel Plans:

My travel plans continue to be pretty fluid. Last time I wrote, I was headed to Sydney from Tokyo, but I ended up in Paris and London – not really unusual for me. Anyway, here are the plans for the time being:

* Friday, 10 September 2010: London - Larnaca
* Saturday, 11 September 2010 Home in Tseri – relaxing for Eid
* Sunday, 12 September 2010: Home in Tseri – still relaxing, hopefully
* Monday, 13 September 2010: Working from Home in Tseri and meeting the arriving teams in the evening for the EMEA Sales meeting
* Tuesday, 14 September 2010: Larnaca, Cyprus for the EMEA Sales meeting
* Wednesday, 15 September 2010: Larnaca, Cyprus for the EMEA Sales meeting then leaving in the evening for Dubai in route to Sydney
* Thursday, 16 September 2010: Dubai – Sydney
* Friday, 17 September 2010: Sydney
* Saturday, 18 September 2010: Sydney - Taipei
* Sunday, 19 September 2010: Taipei – just chillin’ at the Novotel
* Monday, 20 September 2010: Taipei for meetings then Bangkok in the evening
* Tuesday, 21 September 2010: Bangkok – Abu Dhabi check into the Shang
* Wednesday, 22 September 2010: Abu Dhabi during the day then Rome in the evening
* Thursday, 23 September 2010: Rome – the Eternal City

As usual, these plans are subject to change …





Rant:


I am fairly relaxed standing in line. I have developed an approach to patience that emanates from the fact that I frequently have to be patient during long flights. I basically turn my mind to other matters and simply don’t dwell on the wasted time. This works very well for me when I am awaiting the start of late meetings, waiting for service in a bad restaurant or waiting in a queue. I am relaxed about people “cutting in line” in front of me; especially if they have a good reason and are polite about their actions.

This is especially true when boarding an aircraft. Occasionally someone will inadvertently cut in front of me while boarding. I don’t mind but, when discovered, the offending party can be embarrassed. I almost always say with a smile, “Of my Goodness, will you arrive before me if you board the flight before me? Don’t worry, I am confident that we will arrive at the same time.” I am not completely ambivalent to standing in a line but I simply do not let queuing bother me. I recognize that others are not necessarily as patient as I am in a line and this is the subject of my rant today.

Yesterday, I stood in a queue of about 500 people waiting to enter the UK at immigration. University is starting in the UK early next week and there is a migration of foreign students who are either coming to the UK for the first time or returning for another academic year. In addition, the UK border protection officers were particularly diligent due to the upcoming anniversary of the September 11 terrorist attacks so the queue was moving slowly. My flight from Paris arrived just before a flight from America and there was a long line of Americans right behind me in the queue.

As I waited patiently in line, I overheard the thirty-something wife of the American couple talking in a loud voice right behind me, “Why don’t they have a special line for Americans? We saved their asses during the War!” I was first amazed by the fact that a 30-ish woman would think that American’s are owed a debt of gratitude for a war that ended 65 years. I was second amazed that she would have such a primitive grasp of history to even make such a statement.

Then, a rather large Nigerian woman leading a small boy came “cutting” through the line. It was obvious to me (and anyone who offered a passing thought) that the woman had been advanced in the queue when her toddler had informed her that he needed to “go to the bathroom.” The mother apologized to each person but continued to advance in the line. The 30-ish woman commented to her husband, “Who does she think she is?!” Her husband commented, “Maybe she is meeting someone up ahead,” to which his wife replied, “Well, that is just bad planning on her part. She should have thought ahead instead of cutting in front of me!” Eventually, the Nigerian woman rejoined her husband who was leading a stroller with another small girl who was asleep. “You see,” said the American woman, “They should have both gone to the end of the line if they left it...” Then, the American woman began to interrogate her husband, “How many Euros are you going to take at the exchange booth over there?” The, obviously, long suffering husband replied, “I’m going to transfer dollars to pounds not Euros.” The shrewish wife responded, “They use Euros in Scotland, I know for a fact!” The husband decided not to argue with his geographically challenged wife, “Ok, ok, I’ll take half and half ...”

I happened to think, “This woman and her husband represent some of the most travelled people in the United States.” Very few Americans even have a passport, but even fewer have been to England or Scotland. Yet, this woman was ill-informed, shrewish and just plain bad-mannered. I rather suspect that she was always like this but obviously the queue brought out the worst in her.

Now, this is not a purely American characteristic. I once was in a line waiting to exit Customs in Kingston, Jamaica. A young Jamaican woman with a fussy child asked an English man standing right behind me, “Do you mind if I cut in front of you, I need to change my child.” The 40-ish English “gentlemen” replied, “Yes, I do mind. We were here first and you should await your turn like everyone else.” I turned to the young woman and said, “Please step in front of me, I don’t mind.” The young grateful mother thanked me and took her place in front of me. The British man was livid and exclaimed in a loud voice, “That is just like you damn American’s! You never learned to queue because you were never invaded! We had to queue during rationing times and we learned that it was fair for all for everyone to await their turn.” That time, I lost it and said, “She has a child you idiot! And you are damn right that no one ever invaded the United States because we would have kicked their puny asses if they had tried. No crappy country since your asshole of island has thought to take the war to our shores because they don’t have the nuts to pull it off. My American Express bill is bigger than the GDP of your whole freaking country. By the way, you are either a liar or remarkably well preserved if you queued for rations during the war ...” The arrogant British “git” shut up and turned the other way ignoring me while the young Jamaican mother laughed and said, “No wonder all of my friends try to become illegals in your country!” Of course, that is another issue ... I’m not sure if she was joking or not.

Why can’t people just be pleasant in a queue? Standing in line is no worse than, I don’t know, a dose of the clap?

Queuing at Immigration in London -- just joking!

Humour Section:


In consideration of my two most recent stops, I offer the following old definitions of Heaven and Hell:

Heaven is where: the French do the cooking, the Germans make the automobiles, the Greeks make the parties, the Italians are the lovers and everything is organized by the British.


Hell is where: The British do the cooking, the French make the automobiles, the Germans make the parties, the Greeks are the lovers and everything is organized by the Italians!





Last Blast:


Time for a quick history lesson: The British stick up two fingers as a similar form of defiant comment to the “middle finger salute” of Americans. The two gestures are equivalent today in meaning. There are various explanations why this is the case, but the following is my favourite version.

During the Hundred Years War between the English and the French, there were many setbacks for each side. Then, however, there was the decisive Battle of Crecy where the flowers of French noble chivalry were cut down by the common rabble of the English using longbows. The longbow was the shotgun or machine gun of its day – absolutely deadly ... particularly from close quarters. Before this time, war had been a pretty civilized business. Noble knights from one side would pommel the noble knights from the other side until one or the other “gave quarter” thus surrendering to his opponent. The captive knight would then be ransomed and would return home poorer but none the worse for wear. The side that captured the most captives won the battle.

When the English started employing Welsh bowman at Crecy however, the rules of war quickly changed. Edward III’s army was only about 10,000 strong compared to the French side which was probably 35,000 strong. A Welsh bowman, however, could fire at least twelve arrows per minute. Thousands of bowmen would fire huge volleys of armour-piercing projectiles that simply maimed or killed the mounted knights. Understandably, the French nobles and eventually the French peasants learned to hate the English bowmen. Welsh bowman did not wear expensive plate armour. Therefore, the bowmen were fairly easily captured when not protected by English knights. A woebegone Welsh bowman captured by the French would promptly have his index and middle finger amputated on his right hand so that he could not again draw a bowstring.

Thus, if the English wanted to show their defiance of the French, they would hold up their two middle fingers to indicate that they still possessed them to shot a bow. This simple hand-action has changed meaning somewhat over the years to represent a physical function but it is none-the-less still a memento of the Hundred Years War, in my opinion.

One final “two finger” story ... traditionally, the defiant two finger salute is executed by showing the back of the hand with the two fingers extended. Meanwhile, the two fingers extended with the front of the hand showing means “victory” in England and “peace” in the United States. On his first trip to the UK as President of the United States during Gulf War II, George W. Bush made the mistake of being photographed making a “peace sign” but showing the back of his hand. The papers reflected at the time that the hand gesture was more appropriate to what Bush was doing to the Iraqi people rather than the British...

Battle of Crecy 1346

I hope you all have a relaxing weekend and are healthy until we meet again ...