Right now I am at 37,000 feet over the east coast of India with the nearest major city being Kolkata on an Etihad Airways flight from Abu Dhabi to Manila. Therefore, my location notes will be from my seat, 7A, for this edition.
A question that I am frequently asked is, “What is your favourite airline?” Given the amount of time that I spend in the air, this question is not much different from, “What type of taxi do you like best?” or “What is your favourite underground line?” Sure, the question is answerable but it is not something that I think about when I make a choice of airline. Mostly, I choose the airline that offers the most convenient schedule to move from point A to point B – regardless of the point of presence of A and B. This does bring up an important point about my lifestyle, however.
When people find out that I fly more than 350 sectors per year pretty much to anyplace on the earth, their primary reaction can be separated into two distinct camps. The first camp almost always reacts, “Oh, I could NEVER do that – it must be awful!” The second camp generally reacts with something like, “Can I go along and carry your bags for you?” So, I mentally separate the world into “Settlers” and “Nomads”. The Settlers and the Nomads invariably, however, converge at some point by asking the same question, “Are you married?” The implication being, of course, “No wife could ever put up with a husband that is gone from home that much …” I’ve lost track of exactly how many times I have answered some variation of this last question.
For the record, not all women are Settlers and not all men are Nomads. Rosa is definitely a Nomad by pretty much any measure. She doesn’t travel as much as I do, but then again very few people in the world do so. Rosa travels away from our home at least once per month and averages at least 18 roundtrips per year. She spends a frequent amount of time in London (her usual port of call), but she is also likely to arrive in Singapore, Bangkok, Hong Kong, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Athens, Rome, Dublin, New York, Dallas, Mexico City and Los Angeles in a typical year and many times without me. Rosa is an individual and she doesn’t define herself as my wife. Rosa consciously decided to keep her maiden name, “Shah” when we were married so that she would not lose her individuality. She mostly sticks to this individuality, except when she is berating some poor call centre employee on the other end of the phone line. Then she is likely to say something similar to, “This is Mrs. BATT speaking! What you fail to understand about this terrible level of service is …” Rosa is one of a kind, in so many ways and this provides her confidence not to require my constant presence in order to allow her life to have substance. Anyway, I have strayed a bit from the location topic, so I will revert back …
So, the question, “What is your favourite airline?” has less substance to me than perhaps to others but this does not mean that I lack an opinion in this regard. The choice of airline is pretty representative of the origin of the flyer, in my opinion. This is the reason that many regional airlines continue to have significant traffic in this age of the global alliance. If a flyer lives in Rome, she will naturally fly Alitalia frequently and will be comfortable with: a) the schedule, b) the service, c) the language of the flight attendants and d) Alitalia’s frequent flyer program. There is a comfort in the familiar; a feeling of home – especially for infrequent international travellers. Therefore, when a Roman is abroad she will frequently hunt for Alitalia flights to return home. To me this explains why ANYONE would choose to fly American Airlines, Delta Airlines or United Airlines internationally. A frequent flyer must almost certainly travel AA, DL and UA domestically in the USA but the same flyer should only fly those carriers internationally for one of the following good reasons: a) the flyer needs just those few more qualification miles in order to hit the premium tier of the frequent flyer program, b) there is no other choice of airline that does not require a change of aircraft in Upper Volta or c) the flyer is a masochist. Unfortunately, the American-based airlines have completely forgotten that people travel for fun and for the experience.
Air travel to most places around the world is still “sexy”. For the few hours that the traveller is on the flight, he can pretend that he is a “jetsetter”. This is especially the case when travelling in premium classes. Unfortunately, this is no longer the case on American carriers. I once sat next to the actor Robert Conrad on a flight from London to Chicago. He was relatively frail at the time (and subsequently passed away some months later) and I was surprised to see that he was travelling alone. We chatted amiably but not often during the flight. While he was having lunch (I rarely eat on an aircraft) he mentioned in a fairly loud voice, “What happened to all of those hot stewardesses that I used to see on this airline in the 70s?” The 60-something purser overheard him and quickly said, “Oh, we are still flying, honey!” Bless him, he did laugh for quite a while at that response – peace be upon him! My point is that travel is still exciting and alluring from most locations around the world even if it has devolved to mass transit in the USA.
If the reader wonders whether I am teasing by not simply stating my opinion regarding my favourite airline, the answer to this question is “Well, yes, that is the whole point of being an interesting writer …”
OK, now for my response to the question, “What is your favourite airline?” My response is, “I really do not have one.” I like certain things about some carriers but I dislike other things about the same carrier. I have no true favourite. However, here are some things that I like and dislike:
Etihad Airways has a really cool business class seat and service. It is the best in the world. In business class, each seat (except the infamous “love seats” [see in dislikes]) is private. No traveller must climb over another in order to move around in Etihad’s business class cabin. It is one of the only carriers in the world where this is the case. Etihad’s food is also really, really good. For example, when I finally break fast today (today is the 22nd day of Ramadan – Ramadan Kareem to my Muslim friends), I will be enjoying: a) Chamomile and dill-cured smoked salmon with baby spinach leaves, red capsicum salsa, pear and wasabi coulis, b) Wild pine mushroom risotto with Caesar red grape syrup and shaved pecorino parmesan, c) Ancho chilli chocolate mouse with carrot and ginger jelly and d) a selection of rare international cheeses with fruit paste. By the way, I will wash that down with fresh lime juice infused with fresh mint leaves. How good does that sound?! Etihad’s First Class is even better and its service rivals a five star hotel – no other airline in the world is close to their service.
There are a few things that I dislike about Etihad, however. First, Abu Dhabi airport lets the airline down. In 2009, I transited Abu Dhabi airport six times travelling between Europe and Asia and my luggage was lost five times. I’m not joking! I started carrying an extra bag so that I could hand-carry business clothes if I had to transit Abu Dhabi. Abu Dhabi is building a new airport, but it is delayed until 2014 and Etihad already has the airport bursting at its seams. My second dislike is the infamous “love seats” in Business Class. These are two seats together in the centre of the cabin that allow couples travelling to sit together. The two seats can be separated by a paper-thin partition, but travellers in the love seats are going to be “close”. More than once, I have been “trapped” in the love seats with a complete stranger. Imagine how I felt when I awoke after an overnight flight staring at the ass-crack of the rather large man laying next to me! Rosa and I don’t sleep that close together in our bed at home!
Cathay Pacific is one of the best airlines in the world. Cathay’s new business class seats in the “herringbone” configuration are one of my likes and dislikes. I very much like the fact that each seat is a private space and I don’t have to step over someone to move around in the cabin. I dislike, however, that the business class seat is relatively thin. I also call this seating configuration “the morgue” for the following reason … Everyone’s feet jut into the aisle with Cathay’s “herringbone” configuration. Also, Cathay uses very nice white cotton duvets and linens. So, when I arise during a night flight to visit the lavatory and then return to my seat, I see a cabin full of white covered feet. The only impression that would make this look more like a morgue is if there was one bare foot exposed in each seat with a neat little metal tag hanging from the big toe! Cathay’s First Class, however, is stunningly good – especially the dim sum with chilli sauce for breakfast. While I rarely eat on an aircraft, I make it a point of awaking for Cathay’s First Class breakfast.
In general, however, my likes outweigh my dislikes on Cathay. I really love “The Wing” and “The Pier”, Cathay’s two world-class First Class lounges at Hong Kong International Airport. My Goodness taking a shower and soaking in the hot tubs in the lounge are as good as any spa in the world! I want THAT bathroom in my house! Furthermore, the Long Bar at The Wing is my usual hangout when transiting (and when I am not shopping at HKIA’s fabulous duty-free).
Singapore Airlines is similarly one of the very best airlines in the world. The service standard on Singapore is second to none and Changi Airport is the best airport in the world for rapid arrival, departure and transit. Singapore Airlines, however, has about fifteen different aircraft configurations right now. If I am on the most current then I pretty much like the business class seat (even if I must step over someone if I’m in a middle seat or in a window seat). If I’m on one of the earlier configurations, however, then I am disappointed.
Qantas is an easy carrier to like and to dislike. Qantas’ new A380 service has a wine selection of at least 50 different good Australian wines. I have seen their wine refrigerator for white wines and champagnes on the A380. It is the same size as the 200 bottle wine cooler we have at the house (of course we have four of these – two upstairs and two in the cellar). Qantas’ service levels are casual, cool and distinctly Australian as in, “Do you want a beer, or what?” I really like airlines that are distinctive. One the dislike side, however, the seats on Qantas are very ordinary – in both Business and First class – even on its A380s. Most importantly, however, Sydney airport is really inconvenient. “Fast track” in Sydney airport is a misnomer on both accounts: it is not “fast” and I would call it a “path” not a “track” – which implies organization.
Emirates Airlines probably has more to dislike than to like, in my opinion. One the “like side”, Emirates has very convenient daily services from Cyprus. Also, Dubai Airport is convenient for transiting – especially with a visit to the First or Business Class lounges. To paraphrase my Dad, “When Jesus returns, he’ll have to change planes in Dubai.” Also, Emirate’s frequent flyer program allows a quick, easy and inexpensive way to upgrade to First Class in the premium lounges before each flight. The list of dislikes, however, is pretty large. Yesterday, I complained about arrivals at Terminal 3 in Dubai so I won’t reiterate those points. Adding to my dissatisfaction with the airport, however, is the frequent requirement to change terminals between T2 and T3. The walk from T2 to T3 seems to be about 35 miles in a hot, sticky, congested and confined space. The walk reminds me of being born (e.g. hot, sticky, congested and confined). Emirates’ business class seats are thinner than anyone else’s in the world – thus allowing them more passengers in a lot less comfort. Finally, when I flew them a few nights ago, the Business Class meals were so bad that I couldn’t eat them – even to break fast!
I could go on and on about many different airlines that I fly a lot including Cyprus Airways, British Airways, American Airlines, JAL, Air France, Lufthansa and TAM, but I’ll just touch on one more airline that is amongst my list of the best carriers in the world…
LAN is truly one of the very best airlines in the entire world. From the moment that I sit on the plane and sip my first Pisco Sour, I begin to relax on LAN. The seat is really good (even though there is the possibility of having to climb across). The Chilean wine selection is my favourite in the world and LAN is the only airline in the world where I will eat the “seafood” selection on the menu. My main dislike with LAN is Santiago Airport … it is inconvenient and duty free is yucky. Santiago Airport, however, isn’t LAN’s fault and the airline is really tremendous.
This section was longer than I intended today… So, thanks for hanging on this long.
Travel Plans:
Believe it or not, there are no changes for two days in a row! Two days doesn’t make a trend but I feel like I’m on a roll:
Rant:
- Wednesday, 1 September 2010: Abu Dhabi - Manila
- Thursday, 2 September 2010: Arrive in Manila and check into The Peninsula Hotel
- Friday, 3 September: Manila, staying at The Peninsula. Leave in the evening for Singapore
- Saturday, 4 September 2010: Singapore, staying at the Conrad
- Sunday, 5 September 2010: Singapore - Tokyo, staying at the Strings Intercontinental
- Monday, 6 September 2010: Tokyo
- Tuesday, 7 September 2010: Tokyo
- Wednesday, 8 September 2010: Tokyo - Sydney
- Thursday, 9 September 2010: Arrive in Sydney and check into the Holiday Inn at the Airport
- Friday, 10 September 2010: Sydney ... returning home via Dubai
- Saturday, 11 September 2010: Dubai - Larnaca then home to Tseri
- Sunday, 12 September 2010: Home in Tseri
- Monday, 13 September 2010: Working from Home in Tseri and meeting the arriving teams in the evening for the EMEA Sales meeting
- Tuesday, 14 September 2010: Larnaca, Cyprus for the EMEA Sales meeting
What is it with airport security?! I have to remove my laptop from my briefcase – ok that sounds reasonable enough. Now, however, I have to dig around for my iPod, my eBook, my charger and my auxiliary battery for my iPhone – but I only have to do this in Sydney and Dublin. I didn’t even have to remove my computer in Abu Dhabi today, but I had to undergo exit screening including picture taking. When the guys in Abu Dhabi smiled and snapped on a rubber glove, I definitely became nervous! There is no consistency anywhere in the world except that airport security is universally inconvenient.
When going through security, my belt must come off, all change has to come out of my pockets, my watch has to come off, I cannot leave a writing pen in my pocket and – of course – my shoes have to be taken off and put directly on the belt (no container allowed). My wallet has to also be put into the bin because I have a metal credit card (which is still cool enough not to replace). I always ask the security guard, Should I take my trousers off too?” Strangely, no one has said “yes” yet to this request.
Security personnel also do NOT have a sense of humour. OK, I’m not stupid enough to make bomb or gun references, but airport security guards are not the Queen’s Guard! They are not required to be expressionless. This means, of course, that making them laugh is a special challenge of mine. When I repeatedly trip the metal detector, even though I’m basically down to my boxer-shorts, I ask, “What do you guys have this set on; ‘Velcro’?” After being given an especially rough body search, I’ve been known to say, “Do I tip you or is this part of the ticket price?” I’ve also been known to state after standing in line for too long, “Hey, I’ll fly naked if I don’t have to stop in a security line!”
Furthermore, when flying any carrier into the USA there is now “additional security” at the gate. There are random checks in London, Paris and Frankfurt, but there are 100% checks in Mexico City, Santiago, Hong Kong, Dubai and many other airports. My briefcase is carefully packed in order to accommodate half of my travel life (the other half is checked, thank you). I think these gate security agents are simply curious so they dig around in my briefcase longer than Rosa looks for her house keys in her handbag after two bottles of champagne!
Finally, airport security is becoming tighter the last few weeks. I first told myself that this is because of the up-coming anniversary of the September 11 Terrorist Attacks and this year’s unfortunate correlation with the date of Eid Al Fitr. I am beginning to believe, however, that the police authorities know about specific threats and they are not sharing this information … I sincerely hope this is not the case.
Humour Section:
In honour of the Muslim holiday season, I offer the following joke today:
An elderly Arab man decided that he would fly to Jeddah in order to spend Ramadan in Mecca and Medina. He had never been on a plane before but his travel agent booked a flight on Emirates from Dubai. Upon boarding the plane via the right front door, he noticed an empty First Class seat and simply sat down. A flight attendant welcomed him aboard but noticed that he had an Economy Class seat assignment. “I’m sorry sir,” she said, “Your seat is back further in the aircraft.” The elderly man replied, “No, I was here first, this is my seat!” Despite the best attempts of the flight attendant, the purser and eventually even the captain, the pensioner would not budge. Finally, another First Class passenger said, “Let me try to convince him …” With the purser’s consent, the First Class passenger whispered into the elderly man’s ear a few words. The elderly man first nodded then said, “Really?! Oh my Goodness …” Then the elderly man quickly retreated to his assigned eat in the economy cabin.
The flight duly departed but the flight attendant and purser were curious so they approached the First Class passenger and asked him, “How did you convince that elderly passenger to move when he would not move for us?” The First Class passenger smiled and stated, “I simply asked him, ‘Aren’t you going to Jeddah?’ When he acknowledged that he was, I replied, ‘You better go back to the back then … those seats are going to Jeddah, but these seats are going to Tel Aviv!’”
Last Blast:
I really appreciate everyone that has offered me encouragement for writing this blog. Your personal messages are appreciated as is your praise. I decided to write this blog because I enjoy the relaxation of writing and this gives me a creative outlet that fits with the lifestyle of frequent travel.
I eventually want to write books. My favourite writer is Mark Twain because he was able to produce writing that was simultaneously humorous and profound. I have many other writers that I admire but I always revert to Twain when I think about writing on a more full-time basis. I am anxiously awaiting his long awaited autobiography – it is out this month.
I will try to spend some time soon dressing up my blog … I didn’t spend a lot of time on the set-up. I see the importance of the blog in the writing and in exercising my mind, but I am very pleased that some of you enjoy it …
Warm regards until we meet again …
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